A rant about The Help (and it's not the usual one)

I thought I was done having to defend The Help, but I guess not.

If you haven't seen the movie, you may judge it on how it was marketed. That is it. You may not judge it on:

• How well it was acted/directed/written
• How it handles race/class issues
• If it is or isn't better than any other movie you have or haven't seen

A few things out of the way first: I am white. I am Southern. If you think that makes it impossible for me to accurately gauge racism or lack thereof in a movie, you can stop reading now. I don't say that defensively, just saving you time if I don't meet your criteria for being able to comment on such things.

From my perspective, The Help wasn't "White lady solves racism." It was, "White lady who has connections because of her socioeconomic class and race exploits those connections so that black women, specifically a black woman with whom she has a personal, loving relationship, can tell their story in a public way."

But lets talk about something else that bugs me about reactions to The Help. The idea that it's a "woman's movie." Why is that? Sure it stars a bunch of women, but it's not about particularly female concerns. Unless racism, domestic abuse, socioeconomic disparity, snobbery, and the dignity of the human spirit are only female concerns.

Let's compare it to a movie I consider to be very much a "woman's movie": Steel Magnolias. That movie is first about a wedding, then about pregnancy and childbirth, and throughout is a movie about how women relate to one another, particularly a mother and a daughter. I can see where there's not much for a man to connect to there. I mean, hell, a lot of the scenes are in a beauty parlor, long the sacred and holy place for women to congregate.

But The Help shouldn't pose that many barriers to men.  Except for the fact that we live in a culture where most anything that comes out of a woman's mouth is less important than when it comes out of a man's mouth. Would it make it easier for you men if I told you The Help was directed by a man? And that it has some sweet looking cars from the period in it? (In case you don't know me and my sense of humor, please know the previous two sentences were said VERY firmly tongue-in-cheek.)

But this gets us into the bigger problem: Men aren't expected to want to see and/or like a movie with a primarily female cast. And yet, the same is not expected of women. If I applied the same rationale for me, as a woman, here are some of the movies from imdb's Top 250 that I would not be expected to see/like:

• #1 Shawshank Redemption
• #2 The Godfather
• #3 The Godfather Part II
• #4 Pulp Fiction
• #5 The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
• #6 Twelve Angry Men
• #7 The Dark Knight
• #8 Schindler's List
• #9 The Lord of the Rings, Return of the King
• #10 Fight Club

You know what? I'm going to stop there or this post will mostly just be about copying/pasting the imdb Top 250 and I think the top ten movies being on this list kind of makes my point pretty strongly.

So, if you saw The Help and didn't like it, fine. If you saw The Help and disagree with me about its treatment of race, also fine. If you didn't see The Help, shut your freaking pie hole.

If you're interested now in seeing The Help, let me list some reasons why you should:

WattsMovie Second Week

Did another round of the WattsMovie contest on Twitter tonight. Basic idea, it's fake synopses for movie titles made by overlapping two real movie titles.  Like: "Singin' in the Rain Man"

Here were tonight's clues.

Round 1, Two titles, 1 point each:

1. It's rat-a-tat cheering as a once-married reporter and editor cheer for their favorite football team in Texas.
2. Robin Williams must fight Glenn Close, John Lithgow and Mary Beth Hurt for the love of Ramona Flowers.
3. After Mercedes Ruehl abdicates, Jeff Bridges helps Colin Firth overcome a stutter that he (Bridges) unwittingly caused.
4. "Is it raining?"  Sue Storm didn't notice.
5. In 1968 Czechoslovakia a sexually voracious puppeteer discovers a portal into an actor's head. But then the Soviets show up. 
6. You better learn Mr. Hand's top 5 moments in history if you want to graduate and own your own record store.
7. A nun teaches a washed-up 80s star how to recover his heart and his signature "hip-pop" move.
8. Yul Brynner and Steve McQueen avenge the kidnapping of a Shih Tzu by a madman.
9. When Irene Dunne begins divorce proceedings against Cary Grant, he woos Janeane Garofalo, but she thinks he's wooing Uma Thurman. 
10. Victorian historical figures have legendary powers and like light haired lasses.
11. Rodney Dangerfield joins his son to encourage him to complete his Jedi training. And college.
12.  Cal and Aron fight for the love of their chip-shop owning father who wants them to honor their Muslim heritage in 1971 Salford.
13. At Pauline's wedding her sister stirs up family troubles while Adam Sandler serenades the guests.
14. Michael Douglas and Kelsey Grammer team up for this wacky "disaffected middle aged white man" maritime comedy.

Round 2 - Triple titles, 2 points each

1. Ben Stiller deals with his heroin addiction while time traveling in the City of Lights. Each vignette shot by a different director.
2. Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd team up to help young widow Sally Field save her cotton farm from race car driver Shirley Muldowney.
3. Ben Affleck directs this kidnapping story of a spoiled but plucky Southern belle during the Irish rebellion of 1920.
4. Derby girls and Clark Gable come to the rescue when Robert Mitchum threatens the inheritance of Claudette Colbert.
5. Michael Moriarty and Robert DeNiro, Val Kilmer and Robert Downey, Jr., and Meg Ryan and Kevin Kline frolic in the French Riviera.
6. Ron Perlman rescues a widowed Jessica Lange's two sons in a world with declining population growth.
7. High school buddies, including Timothy Hutton, reunite to see Sarah Jessica Parker win the "Dance TV" trophy, which married thieves Jim Carrey and Tea Leoni plan to steal. 
8. Reporter Christian Bale investigates the tale of a young but insane Frenchwoman who sings glam rock for Dennis Hopper.
9. Secret Service agent Petersen teams up with weatherman Martin to untangle the messy marriage of Pfeiffer and Willis.
10. In this animated take on Hamlet, Will Smith as the king of Siam, must fight vampires while learning social graces from a governess.
11. Unlikely superheroes investigate when a Woody Allen's neighbor drops dead, apparently the work of singing puppets.
12. Patricia Clarkson is caught off guard by a romance with silver screen actor Jeff Daniels in the rural South in the early 20th century. Oprah co-stars. 
13. Danes is pretty. Crudup is a brute. But through discipline and hard work, they'll both make the American Ballet Academy.
14. Will Smith, while on the run from the NSA, thinks he's in love with beaten-into-a-coma Julia Roberts, but it's Sandra Bullock who wins his heart.
15. In a spooky old English house, Lily Tomlin gets smaller and smaller until her dark feathered tutu won't fit her anymore.
16. Zombies are forced to relive the same day over and over after they are touched by Christopher Walken

Answers:

I liked to died

So, after reading this on Go Fug Yourself, I tweeted about how there's some proto-Gangnam style moves from Mr. Grant and Mr. Porter in the video. And then Scott Porter retweeted me.

I passed out, the cats licked my face but stopped short of eating it off, and then I recovered.

So not only is Scott Porter a good actor and singer and a nice guy (check out some of his charity work that's gaming-related), he's also interactive with his fans on Twitter. He's a good one.

Oh, and here's the video, if you don't want to click through to the link, the moves are at about the 1:30 mark:

Our Bodies, Our Selves, Our Waiting Room?

Now y'all know I'm about as feminist as they come but also about as non-man-hating as they come. HOWever. I've got my annual at the ObiWanGynobi tomorrow and every year I wish the practice had separate waiting rooms - one for the male/female couples and one for women only.

See, the way the practice is laid out is this - there's a typical waiting room, you know, outside the receptionist's area, with the chairs and the magazines and the whatnot.  They call your name, you go back, and then the nurse takes your vitals and you wait in the secondary interior waiting area until an exam room opens up.

I don't mind the men being in that outer waiting room, but I get really uncomfortable waiting with them in that interior waiting room. I don't know why - maybe it's because I feel like the medical appointment has already begun and now it's strange men sitting around with me during that process. Or maybe it's just that there's now only door between the stirrups and me and them.

There's also, now that I'm in my late 30s, a little bit something hard to take about all the happy couples sitting around me, most of them excited, or at least pleased, about the new addition to their family. While I'm just there to, you know, get the cobwebs cleared out.

Now, the real wrench in all this is that for all I might be like, "Urgh. Argh. ObiWanGynobi is WOMANSPACE," my doctor is a man. And I love him. He's one of my all-time favorite doctors of any kind. And, in fact, more of my gynecologists have been men than women. I've had a couple of bad experiences with female gynecologists that made me happier to see a male physician.

So, why, if I don't want men to sit in the waiting room with me am I more than happy to have a man in the actual exam room? Because he's the MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. He's only there to do his job and be professional about it. And I'm pretty sure we all just agree that underneath his trousers he's smooth like a Ken doll.

I just want two waiting rooms - one with Y chromosomes and one without. Not counting whatever's happening in anybody's uterus.

P.S. I know I've left out the Happy Lesbian Couples. I have no idea where they should fall in this Venn diagram.

In case you're curious what the #WattsSong contest was, it was something like the Before & After clues they do on Jeopardy!

Here were the clues:

1. Peter Gabriel and Billy Idol team up for what sounds like a horror movie. 
2. Al Green wishes to visit Billy Joel's waterway. 
3. Elvis is a guest of the Eagles. 
4. Elton John bids adieu to the Talking Heads' highway. 
5. Norman Greenbaum catches a whiff of Nirvana's angst. 
6. Paul McCartney sprouts Wings and runs away from his old pals. 
7. Prince and Beyonce are insane and romantic. 
8. Ray Charles and John Cougar Mellencamp tell two young lovers to scram. 
9. The Bee Gees and ABBA want to see Elizabeth Windsor shake a tailfeather. 
10. Queen and Cyndi Lauper know why the large-hipped woman sings. 
11. The Pixies are anticipating Michael Jackson's reflection. 
12. Jennifer Warnes, Bill Medley, and David Bowie enjoy interplanetary travel. 
13. Henry Mancini and Johnny cash stay straight and true. 
14. Prince's birds are sad for Justin Timberlake. 
15. The Commodores REALLY like Patti LaBelle's fruit topping. 
16. Sting's optimism meets the Pixies and turns very strange. 
17. Twisted Sister orders at the B-52's seafood cafe. 
18. The White Stripes and the Smiths are attracted to a woman who can't talk back. 
19. INXS hears Prince in the act of burglary. 
20. If you time it just right, this Pink Floyd track will make Drew Carey look like a flying monkey. . 
21. "I'm libidinous; hand me a blanket," said 2 Live Crew to Bruce Springsteen. 
22. "That Soviet woman has a rather nice posterior, doesn't she, old chap?" said Sir Mix a Lot to Sir Paul and Company. 
23. It may be candles in the front of the buggy as Weird Al tries to talk Meatloaf out of his virtue. 
24. One day a week, Queen and the Cure share a really weird fetish. 
25. Bow Wow Wow and 10,000 Maniacs have popular tastes in sweets.

Answers:

My friend Joseph tied as winner in the #WattsSong contest. Prize was a mix cd or playlist of his choosing.  He asked for "female singers covering songs made famous by, or originally performed by, male singers." Here it is: